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Oh dear.

And when a writeup starts with that as an opener, you know you’ve got problems.

This is a facebook page, with a rather happy cow on it:

secret cow
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The cow is happy because it knows people like to click on things. In fact, they just can’t help themselves. 31,769 have clicked the “Like” button for this, and that doesn’t appear to be automated – after jumping through hoops, my test account hasn’t given this the “Thumbs up” so it seems like they’re just hitting “Like” because they like being scammed.

secret cow fun
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If you want to “Adopt the secret cow”, you’ll have to move fast – you only have 1 hour and 18 minutes before the offer expires! Or at least, you would if it wasn’t a static image that is absolutely without any sort of timer. There’s also a mention of a FarmVille Game Bar underneath, but that doesn’t put in an appearance. Click the box, and…

yet more cow fun
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Yes, you’re going to have to spam them with this in order to get your Secret Cow. Click the “Skip” button, and you’ll see a popup like this one:

do it! do it now!

Oh no! You’ll never get the ultra rare secret cow! A spamming we will go, then. Can you guess the reward for shunting the below spam to all and sundry?

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Of course you can. It’s one of these things:

offers galore
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In the time it took me to put this writeup together, the amount of “Likes” has risen from 31,769 to 32,215 – an increase of 446 people in around 20 minutes. I wonder how many have realised the horrible secret of the secret cow:

It doesn’t exist. Sorry, kids.

Christopher Boyd